perhaps it was the father and daughter walking hand in hand at QV just now, or maybe its just the ABC soup that i drank in the evening. but i just can't sotp myself thinking and thinking and thinking... with keith urban playing of course...

it's 1.30am here, and believe or not i had my first attack of seirous homesickness. family sickness. for friends, DUH i've had countless attacks already. but towards family, ohmygosh its jsut horrifying. i couldn't do anything but lie on my bed crying and sobbing, while i think bout my mum's assam fish and pan mee. i refer to these four empty walls as my home now, but yea of course everyone knows that i miss my real home so so so much. i miss mummy daddy bringing fruits up to my room during spm, i miss fooling around with my 2brothers when they're in a good mood, and i miss my sis and my nephew.

there are just simple times at home, where everyone sits down for dinner, and just bond you know. even after the meal, we can sit down and chitchat. some oldies playing, with the balcony door opened, its just so nice!! something simple like going fer a bowl, as a family, amazing. moments like these i've cherished since i was a kid. knowinmy age gap with my family, i yearned to belong.

february 8th year 2007, after a round of pizza with my parents at melbourne, they dropped me back at alberts before retreating to the hotel again. i fished out my key and when i was just about to step in , i heard the familiar byebye from my mum, in the car. but somehow this one made me turn, because it sounded so specific. and then thats when i knew, in the shadowy night, it'll will be the last time seeing my parents again for the next 5 months.

YEA I CAN DO IT!! I AM MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY PREPARED FER THIS!! this is what i've been reciting to myself fer months before i came. cocky that i could do it, this is when i know i had to bow down to humility.

it's such an amazing feeling when ur feeling homesick, coz homesick is not just bout d good ol' times that u had with people, but the worse times which u wish u could make it vanish. yea i cried i sobbed, like how i always do back home, but difference is, it's hard to get a genuine hug over here, compare to back home, where frens and family are an arm's reach away.

i'm fine now. yea.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 10:23 PM